Friday, January 6, 2012

Don't Let's Eat Tonight

Day two of the fast is going well. I did have a glass of wine last night, but since no chewing was involved, I'm going to let it go. I just love how tipsy I get when I'm not eating. I'm going out in a bit, too. So there might be a little more drinking involved. A girl's gotta have some fun! And booze is always better than food.

Fasting again feels so good. I've been restricting pretty heavily for a long time, but it's just not the same as the complete control of simply not eating. I feel so calm. All of the usual anxiety revolving around food and everything else melts away, and I'm left with such a clear mind. I just feel like I could do anything. And I just might.

I had a lot of interesting comments on the last post before my hiatus. Lots of really nice, supportive comments. And then some really nasty ones. To be honest, having a bunch of anonymous posters getting all puffed up over my blog makes me feel like something of a blogger rock star. Also, I am not dead. Thanks for the concern though.

I got an email from a producer for the Dr. Phil Show. And since I like to be able to give a voice to this community that presents it in a more positive and accurate light than many other voices do (as evidenced by our anonymous commenters), I did a little phone interview with him. He's very nice, very non-judgmental, and seemed to genuinely want to learn the truth about this twisted little world. They are apparently still looking for someone who would be willing to go on the show and talk about her experiences in the pro-ana world. I value my anonymity way too much to do that, but if any of you would like to, just let me know and I will pass on his contact info. I think sharing our story is a good thing to do, if you are brave enough to let the whole world in.

Maybe it's my phone sex operator instincts, but something about talking to a strange man on the phone makes me want to seduce him. I refrained from doing that tonight - probably highly inappropriate and totally hot. I think I'll have to do something about this itch tonight before the fast dries me up.

Goodnight, girlies. Have a fun Friday night! <3

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Here We Go, Again

Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back. It's been over a year; I look forward to seeing how much this little community has changed. A year since I've blogged and a year since I've fasted. Today is my first day for both. Another new year, another fresh start. I wonder how many times I'll do this. But it's never too late to start over.

All in all, the last year has been fairly good. I'm at pretty much the same place I was when I left. I've been reasonably healthy for the past six months. I've almost entirely stopped throwing up, which is pretty huge. But I haven't been able to go a single day without eating. It's 11pm now and I haven't eaten a single bite, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make it through today. I just need to fast; I can't tell you how much I miss it. And I think it's significant that for all the time I haven't blogged, I haven't been able to fast.

I cannot wait to reconnect with you beautiful girls. I have so so many emails to read and respond to, and I promise I will get to them all. But I have to go to sleep before I find myself wandering into the kitchen to ruin my whole day of hard work. Tomorrow will be a new day; I know I will need the inspiration that your words will give me.

Happy New Year's, girls. Let's make it count. <3