Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Three Weeks

I am so so sorry!

I am a horrible blogger. But I'm actually in the midst of a very sudden move. Eek! So my life is topsy turvy right now. I hardly have time for anything. But hopefully once I get settled in, I'll have more time. The big move happens this weekend. Right now I'm focusing on how I'm going to get everything packed by then.

As for my fast, still going. Though last weekend was very difficult. I spent all weekend with at my friend's house and it was so obvious I wasn't eating, they kept pestering. So I had to do some faking. It was really easy to pretend to eat a big hunk of this facaccia bread because no one was paying attention to me. I just wrapped it up in a paper towel and threw it away later. I was forced a half of a chicken sandwhich that wasn't quite so simple. I've never done any fake eating before, so I don't think it was that convincing, but no one commented. I did actually have to put some in my mouth, which was kind of horrible after so long without tasting anything like that. Kind of sickening, actually. But I didn't swallow anything. I even washed my mouth out to make sure that I nothing would make it into my stomach.

Unfortunately I have been feeling so sick this week. Nauseous, light headed, headaches, everything. It's horrible. I know it's worth it, but I don't like feeling this way. Bleh. I get to weigh on Friday! It's been a whole week, so I'm hoping for five pounds. I hope that's not asking too much. We'll see.

Anyway, sorry for the absence, but there's only going to be more of that until next week. But I'm thinking about you girls. I hope everyone is doing well!


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Some Quick Juice Fasting Info

Jenna asked for some info on Juice Fasting and I'm very happy to share! Unfortunately I need to be getting ready to leave, so I don't have time to go into much detail. I wrote down some stuff about preparing for a juice fast on Facebook. So here is that information:

Most of the sources I've read say that it's import to prepare for an extended fast (usually anything more than three days) by just sticking to raw fruits and vegetables right before the fast. If you can't do that it's a good idea to remove the obviously unhealthy foods from your diet such as cigarettes, alcohol, meat, caffeine, sugar, etc. I've read that this should be done before the extended fast for for an amount of time equal to the fast planned. It is supposed to make the fast much easier to bear by giving your body a head start on the detoxing of all this bad stuff.

But seriously. Who wants to wait that long? We're not Pro-Ana because we do everything the sensible way, right? I jumped right into a water fast which is much more intense than a juice fast. I did get headaches and felt pretty weak and drained of energy, but you just have to keep visualizing the end results. Most of us have been on a restricted diet anyway and we're young, so our bodies' detox process shouldn't be as bad as someone in their forties who eats tons of junk food and three thousand calories a day.

One thing that may be a struggle for some is giving up cigarettes, caffeine, alcohol. But if you continue to pollute your body with these things it will make the detoxification more difficult. I've read about people giving up all kinds of addictions through fasting, so maybe this is the time to try that.

Another thing. It isn't recommended that you take any sort of supplements during a fast. I know that sounds really odd, but that's what ever fasting article I've read has said, though I haven't really figured out the reasoning. I'll try to get more info on that.

Sweeteners are another no no. Juice is usually already sweet anyway, but if you're drinking tea you can use honey. This is the only animal product that should be consumed during a fast. Sugar is bad for obvious reasons, but artificial sweeteners are no good either. They are not healthy at all and are just something else for your body to have to clean up. No reason for that. I've heard of a natural no calorie sweetener called Stevia, but I don't know much about it. It's something to look into if you really feel you need some more sweet.

The most important thing to do to prepare is to get your mind in the right place. Set your goals, no matter what they are. Start small if you need to, you can always extend the goals once you get there. Focus on what you want to achieve. Thin! Think about that all the time. Think about that every time the idea of food pops into your head. Keep blogging, keep getting the support you need. And keep motivated yourself!

Now it's time to start starving!

I hope that is a helpful start, Jenna. And I can definitely provide more when I have more time to write. Oh, and the main reason just drinking calories is better than eating them, even if it it's the same amount, is that your body doesn't have to use digestive energy to absorb juice. Though, in order to do a really proper juice fast, you need to have a juicer. Fresh juice is so much healthier than bottled, but not all of us have that option. I just try to buy juice in it's purest form.

Tomorrow I'll post something on how to actually to a juice fast, beyond preparation. Fasting is really a great feeling. Thanks for the questions!


Halfway There!

Today is day 15 of the 30 day Juice Fast I've been doing with Kat! Just over two weeks until I am done. I already feel this amazing sense of accomplishment and power. I can't wait to see what the end will bring!

I'm still trying to figure out what my plan will be after I'm done. I'm going home to visit at the end of February and might do another, much much shorter fast right before I leave. I bought a jar of applesauce to eat when I'm finished with this fast. I figured that'd be a good first food for my dormant digestive system. All the stuff I've read about fasting suggests taking it very slow when breaking the fast.

By the way, if anyone is considering a fast and would like some information on it, I've done a lot of research and would love to share it with you. The supposed benefits of a fast are really amazing, besides the dramatic weight loss. So just ask and I'll start posting what I know. Also, Kat and I still have our Ana Facebooks. We've both been slacking a bit in that department with busy lives getting in the way. But it'd still be great to see more girls joining and sharing.

Not much else is going on. This ridiculous school week is finally over. I've had so much work I've hardly had time for anything else. In fact, I haven't worked at all this week. Thankfully I only need to make about fifty bucks to be set for bill paying on the 1st of the month.

I'm going to my boyfriend's tonight. He's been sick this past week and still isn't at full health. So we have to see each other without doing anything inappropriate. We'll see how well that goes.

Keep Starving, Girls! Don't doubt yourselves! <3

Monday, January 19, 2009

Day Twelve of Juice

Today was very uneventful. I had to work on this enormous paper I have to do for class since I procrastinated all weekend. But thankfully I got most of it done and I still have all of tomorrow to work on the rest.

I got some orange juice at Whole Foods yesterday and it tastes so incredible. I can tell that my tastes have changed because I don't think orange juice would have tasted so good to me a couple weeks ago. It's even helping satisfy me when I start getting a craving for just about any thing to eat. I haven't watered it down quite as much as I have my other juices. I just really need some flavor and I still only had about 50 calories today.

I don't think I'll be able to weigh myself until Friday which will make it almost an entire week. I can't wait to see how much I'll have lost. I've been losing about a pound a day, though sometimes a bit less. Still, it's pretty dramatic progress. I have such a long way to go, but I feel like I can make it.

I've been trying to figure out what my plan will be after my fast. I can only avoid eating out with my boyfriend for so long and a friend of mine even commented on me not eating. So I'm thinking about doing a very restricted diet, though actually eating. Maybe like 300 or 400 calories a day. Then giving myself a break if my boyfriend wants to take me out, which should only be like once a week tops. We have this really romantic Valentine's Day dinner planned where we're both going to cook for each other and I'm so excited about it I can hardly stand it. So my fast ends just in time (the 6th) for me to start back eating slowly and be ready for an actual meal on the 14th.

Sometimes not eating feels so hard, but days keep going by and I keep not eating. I feel sick to my stomach so often it makes it a lot easier not to eat. And I really never actually feel hungry at all. I just feel like eating a lot. But I am just going to keep trekking. I know I can do this. I found a new thinspiration too. They are playing marathons of America's Next Top Model on cable. I can just watch beautiful girls to distract myself, especially if I'm having a boring day.

My cravings have gotten so bad that I've actually started dreaming about food. Isn't that crazy? Thankfully my dreams have been so vivid and in every one I have gorged myself on all this disgusting food and felt so horrible and guilty afterward. And just tremendously upset with myself for ruining my fast. I always get so concerned about what I'm going to do to purge it and take it back. I usually wake up still feeling guilty and then feel such a rush of relief that it was only a bad dream. So my dreams really aren't tempting me. It's almost like they get the desire to binge out of my system without all of it having to happen. If I got to bed wanting food, I wake up wanting to starve.

Jena, thank you so much for the tip about those Chromium Piccolate capsules. I will definitely check them out. Though I am a little hesitant to take any sort of pills because my stomach has been really sensitive since I've been depriving it so much. But in less then three weeks I'll be back to eating food and this would be fantastic.

I promise I'll be posting more! No more lazy blogging!


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Today Marks Two Weeks Without Food

I'm really tired, but I just wanted to post something quick. I've been lazy about posting and I don't want that. I don't want to get lazy about anything that helps me lose weight, plus I do miss the support from you fabulous girls.

Tomorrow I will post more. I have a lot to write about, but no energy for it tonight.

<3 You all!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

First Week of Juice Starving Down!

Geeze! When was the last time I posted? Feels like centuries. It's been a pretty busy week. Thank you for all of the encouraging comments last time, it really is such a huge help to me. Knowing that there are just a few girls out there counting on me is the biggest motivation ever. And I have managed to keep my fast, even though it's gotten harder. If I hadn't been so busy, I probably would have ruined it though.

I did a couple of things to help me keep motivated. I printed out a free 2009 calendar and have been marking all the days I've gone without food. So far, the 5th through the 14th. I also put stars on the days I only drank water. It looks so good to see it drawn out like that. And I have the date my fast is done circled. I know I can do it, this was a rough week, but I still made it through.

I also tried on a pair of pants that were horribly tight I had to absolutely force them to zip the last time I wore them months ago. This time they zipped right up, still pretty hip hugging. Progress is progress though. I know my face has gotten thinner and my jeans have been so baggy. It's hard to tell if that's just from them getting stretched out. But I keep thinking that someone should have noticed it.

I can make them notice.

I spent Tuesday night with my boyfriend. We went out and had tea at this really neat tea house. They had so many different teas! It was really fun. Plus we got to go out without food being involved. He's the only part of my life that I'm really worried about in regards to messing up the fast. It's so hard for me to accept spending less time with him. I just have to remember how worth it this will be. He's going to think so too.

I went straight from his house to school so I wasn't able to restock on juice and it's just to expensive to buy it from the campus store. Then I ended up spending the night with at a friend's dorm and and going straight to class in the morning. So yesterday and today have been water only fast. It's kind of nice to do that again. I'll go back to juice tomorrow. I wonder if I will have lost more weight though.

That's all i really have to write about today. I'm so so sleepy. But tomorrow is my day off. I will definitely catch up on everyone's blogs and progress then.

Beautifully thin thoughts to all of you! <3

Monday, January 12, 2009

Day Five! of the Great Juice

I am really really starting to hate the snow. I got up all early this morning so I could go to school and use the computer lab to finish a paper for my eight o'clock class. I got to the door and the ground was covered in snow and it was still coming down like crazy. My poor car hates starting when it's so cold, so it took my like twenty minutes just to get on the road. And it was snowing so hard I could hardly see. I was going like ten miles an hour the whole way but I still slid all over the road. Driving in the snow still terrifies me so much.

Then I get to school and have to trudge through it, by the time I got inside I looked like a snowman because I was so covered in it. I finished my paper just in time. I get to class and find out the teacher can't make it, due to the snow of course. So I went through all that for nothing. I could be in my warm bed still snoozing, but instead I got up four hours before I needed to, for nothing. I'm sorry to rant so much, but snow is horrible.

I've already had most of the juice that I allow myself for the day. I've just been so thirsty for some reason and my mouth is so dry. I'm not sure if I'm dehydrated or something. I'm not worried about the juice because it's such a small amount of actual juice in my 8 ounces, that I've been going on hardly any calories. I'll see if I can buy something semi healthy in the campus store and dilute that for the rest of the day. A hundred calories isn't really anything to get worked up about. I have a creative presentation in speech today and I want to have plenty of energy for that. I get so nervous and it would be horrible to pass out in front of everyone.

The weekend went well. I still haven't eaten anything. But Saturday night at my boyfriend's, my stomach started hurting so bad. It wasn't hunger pains, just felt sort of nauseous and bloated. It was awful. Most of the time I feel pretty normal so far on my fast, I wish I didn't have to get sick in front of him. I don't want him to get worried about it. He even asked me when the last time I ate was, I told him I ate at my friend's right before I came over. I wonder how he would have reacted if I had said seven days ago.

I do feel like my resolve is waning somewhat. Last night I was watching a movie on TV and there were so many food commercials. It's so strange how I feel watching them. A cross between disgusted and totally craving it. My stomach doesn't really feel hungry anymore, but the desire to eat is still there. The good news is that the smell of food is still so strong to me and it definitely kills my appetite. I can always smell stuff from upstairs and my landlord's wife is Mexican, so their food is always very strong smelling. I have to cover my nose because it just stinks so much to me now.

I have to get going to finish a few things before class starts. Thanks for reading, ladies. I hope everyone is doing well with their goals, I'll hopefully be catching up on some of your blogs tonight.
Keep Starving!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Juiced to the Third

I don't really have too much to report on today. I've been at home all morning, pretty much being lazy, but I did get some time to work. Since I've started school again I've been just barely making my daily quota. I really need to keep up.

I'm about to head over to a friend's house and then make my way to my boyfriend's. I really wanted to see him earlier, but I'm afraid if I go over too early he'll offer to feed me and I won't be able to say that I already ate. I wish I could just tell him. I wish I thought he would understand. Oh well, I'll just have to see less of him for the next twenty eight days.

In other news, day three of the fast is going fine. But the hardest part is coming up: hanging out with friends and sleeping over at boyfriend's house. I'm just thankful I have you lovely ladies on my side and that having to write everything down here keeps me strong.

Being a shut in really would make life easier.

I did some research on a salt water flush today. Every fasting site recommends doing an enema during a fast to help your body with the detoxification process, but a salt water flush is free. And after six days without any food, I should be able to handle it. Tomorrow is the day, I'll report on how it goes.

A quick update on Facebook! Kat and I are on there now. She's made a general Pro-Ana group and I've made a fasting group. Please please join us! Making an Alias on Facebook is quick and easy. I think it will be a fun way to get more support and keep ourselves motivated. Check my last entry for my facebook page. Pro-Ana groups have to be kept secret to avoid getting banned, so if you friend me, I'll then invite you to the group.

That's all for today, Folks. Hopefully I'll have more exciting news tomorrow.


Friday, January 9, 2009

Five Days Foodless-Two Days Juiced and Facebook!

Kat is Awesome!

Kat from Quest for Perfection made a Pro-Ana Facebook alias. I'm all for a Facebook community! This blog has really helped me to keep myself on track and you girls are so inspiring! Facebook can bring us even closer. So here is my Ana Facebook page:

My technical skills are severely lacking, so if that doesn't work search for Eva Volando. I'll be making a group for the 30 day juice fast that I started yesterday. I'd love for anyone to get on board with it. It doesn't matter if you have to start late, or have to do just a couple of days. I've really found that fasting feels amazing. If you don't think you are capable of doing it, just give it a try, we'll be here to support you, and you might be surprised how good you feel once you start. I never would have gotten my weight on track if I hadn't done a fast to get my brain in gear and motivated.

Also, I've been doing a Ton of research on fasting and all the amazing benefits to your health: mind and body. I even read a really great article written by an actual M.D. so it's not just a bunch of crazy people who believe in the power of fasting. Once I get the fasting group started I will post as much info about the benefits, struggles, and methods to fasting as I can find. But I also have an idea.

Kat mentioned that she has to eat because of parents, and I totally know how lame they can be, but I thought if she or any other of you lovely gals have this same problem, you could just tell your parents you want to do a juice fast. Sounds crazy, I know, but let me explain. Kat has also mentioned that her parents are happy that she's losing weight and getting healthier. If you explain all the benefits of fasting and show your parents that it's not that just anorexics do, they may be okay with it.

I would really suggest giving this a try, especially if your parents are totally in the dark about your Ana Love. Print some info out for them to read and understand. Tell them you won't be going without calories or nutrients because your drinking juice. You can tell them that you're going to drink a lot more juice than you actually do. And they don't have to know that 3/4 of that glass is water. You may end up with parents who are not only just void of suspicion when you don't eat, but also even support you and help you to avoid food.

It's just a thought, obviously you know your parents better than I do. But I know how frustrating it is not to be able to control your own diet.

Day two of my fast is going great. I drank maybe a third of my bottle of diluted juice and then filled it up to the top with more water this morning. I'm going to try to drink half of it today and the other half tomorrow. I don't think there could even be 100 calories in the whole bottle. I just finished my cup of oolong tea with honey in it. It's 60 calories for a tablespoon, but I probably used half that (though I'm horrible with eyeballing it). No more than 80 callories for the day, I would guess though.

Last night I told my boyfriend I had just eaten when he suggested going out for sushi (even though sushi is maybe my favorite food ever), worked perfectly. He and his roommate had Subway. I was sandwhiched (haha pun!) between them on the couch and the smell was so strong. I think my sense of smell is a lot strong after four days without food because the smell was absolutely sickening. Though before I think it would have smelt delicious to me. I'm glad that the smell of food makes me nauseous not hungry.

Fasting is so perfect!

My boyfriend has a scale hidden under his bathroom sink and after he left for work this morning and I finally dragged myself out of bed, I weighed myself. I was hoping for five pounds. I would have felt good about five. When I saw the number my jaw dropped.

I have lost twenty freaking pounds.

I haven't weighed myself since before Thanksgiving, but still! I'm so excited! I wish I knew how much of that was from the fast and how much was just from less extreme cut backs since Thanksgiving.

Get on Facebook, Gals! <3

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Day One of The Juice

So this morning when I woke up (about 4:45 am because of this dumb project I had to finish for school) I had my first taste of the amazing pear juice that was waiting for me in the fridge. Those three sips were divine. Sadly, after just a few minutes my stomach was turning and I felt horribly sick. After a couple hours of school work, I felt better, though not great. I made myself a cup of oolong tea (delicious, Kat!) with a dab of honey, it felt great to drink, but still didn't sit too well. I drank half of it.

After I got home from class I filled up a 17 ounce water bottle with about 2/3 water and the rest pear juice. I was amazed how good the diluted juice tasted. I guess after three days and flavor is kind of amazing. I definitely should have done that this morning, pure pear was just way too strong for my deprived stomach. Diluted was just right.

Just a couple of sips of my water down juice has given me so much more energy. I was really starting to drag around yesterday and today I feel refreshed. Plus I didn't even use a whole cup of juice so it's significantly less than 150 calories if I even manage to finish that bottle. Still pretty much full right now.

My first goal is to do a thirty day juice fast. That will take me to 6th of February. When I get there I'll see how I feel. I know I'm starting with lofty goals, but I feel like as soon as I eat anything I will ruin the high and power I'm feeling right now. I want to ride it for as long as I can.

I need to run and get ready to see the boyfriend. Serious primping ahead.

<3<3 Let me know if anyone would like to fast with me. I'd love a buddy.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Third and Final Day of Water

I am just so so so pleased with myself! I had decided last night that I would have some juice today and break my water fast after two days. But I didn't have time to get any juice until late late this afternoon. And by the time I got home it just seemed extremely silly to break the fast today.

Three whole days. Zero whole calories.

I still have to make it through the night with a big bottle of pure, organic, not-from-concentrate, pressed pear juice sitting in my fridge, but I really feel confident that I can do it. Tomorrow I will start my juice fast. I will take it one day at a time and see how far I can go. I am so desperate to find a scale! But it's been a busy day and tomorrow will be too.

I went to Whole Foods today to get that pear juice. I was so strong! There were samples of the most amazing organic food that just looked so good, but I said no to all of it. I even had a friend with me offering stuff and I didn't take anything. Every time I say no even to something small, I just feel this jolt of empowerment.

Control feels so good!

I really need to stop the water only fast for tomorrow though. I'm going over to my boyfriend's house after class and will definitely need the energy! Mmm! I can really feel the lack of food, but I haven't felt very hungry today, just a little worn out. From what I've been reading about fasting, juice is supposed to really give you a boost of energy after you've been on just water. And a thirty day juice fast is supposed to be just as effective in cleansing the body as a 10 day water fast without as much struggle. So I am going to give it a whirl, but try not to beat myself up if I need to eat food. We'll see how it goes! I feel good about it, just have to avoid people wanting to take me out to eat and what not.

I have to finish some project for school tonight, but I may turn in early and just wake up and finish it before school. I find that sometimes works better for me. I still have to shower and shave my legs too. Busy is good for starving!

Thanks again for all the support, gals. Posting in this blog is already starting to mean so much to me.

<3s for Everyone!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Day Two of the Fast

I was able to extend my fast another day. But I'm really starting to lose my resolve tonight. My head has been hurting, and my stomach has been feeling nauseous, and I just really want to eat something. I did some research on fasting earlier. is a cool site that I found that has a lot of great information on fasting, the different types of fasts, and even fasting for weight loss.

I'm thinking that tomorrow I will drink some juice. I'm proud of myself for going this long without a single calorie, but I do not want to restrict myself so much that I ruin it. Stop while I'm ahead. I may try a juice fast, however. Thirty days is supposed to be the best kind, but I'm not going to start out trying to reach that.

One day at a time.

Hopefully I'll be able to find the money for a plane ticket home for spring break in a couple of months. I would love to have lost enough for people to notice. I keep imagining the compliments from my friends and family. I need to use that to keep me motivated. And I imagine how pleased my boyfriend will be. I know he would say that I'm beautiful just the way I am, but I certainly don't buy that. He will be excited when he sees the difference.

I just wish wish wish I had a scale. It's probably something I should invest in, but I'm so poor it's hard for me to justify any spending. I'm going to be on the look out when I go to friends' houses to see if anyone has one. I just know I must have lost weight. I need to see the numbers.

Thanks for the advice about the vitamins, girls! Have any of you tried One-A-Day Weightsmart? It has a ton of good vitamins in it, even calcium and iron, though only 20% daily value of calcium. It also has 10mg of a blend of Green Tea powder and Cayenne Pepper, which I have heard are supposed to boost the metabolism but I really have no idea how much 10mg is. I haven't wanted to take this while I've been fasting because it really upsets my stomach when I take it without food. I love that feature however, when I'm not fasting, because that is a total appetite killer. I like it for that reason alone, but I'm wondering if anyone else has had any experience with it. Notice any difference?

I really really appreciate the comments and support! They just make the biggest difference in my day and my motivation. Thank y'all so much!

You keep me strong.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Exhaustion is Killing Me

It's been a very good day for my fast. I haven't eaten anything at all, just drinking water. Actually getting the water down has been the hardest part today. I got about 65 ounces, which really isn't nearly as much as I think I need, since I live in such a dry climate. I'll work on that tomorrow.

Starving is so good!

I feel in charge, empowered, capable of anything. I initially wanted to just fast every other day, but after today I just feel like going again. I did get a little light headed during my last class today; though I am hoping that is more from sleep deprivation than lack of food. I'm going to go to bed early tonight, like as soon as I finish this and hopefully in the morning I will have enough energy to spend another day starving myself beautiful.

I want to be safe about this to avoid worrying anyone. Last week I passed out in front of my boyfriend. Not a good move. He's been all worried about me. I'm going to try to just pay attention to my body and decide if I'll eat or not.

I want to try one of those salt water flushes if I can keep the fast going long enough. The idea of cleansing my body sounds perfect. Has anyone done a very long fast? I'm wondering whether I should be taking a multivitamin while I do it or not.

I'm very excited to have already come across two neat girls to draw support from. Stay strong and keep posting! I will be there for you in any way I can!


Sunday, January 4, 2009

My New Year is my New Chance

I am an extremely emotional person. I've found that I don't do well at all holding my feelings in, but I'm going through things that I just can't share with the people around me. I'm hoping I can find a supportive community through this blog and friends to share my many vices without shame.

I'm not going to spend too much time introducing myself. I'm focusing on change, on the new me I'm trying to create, and dwelling on the past won't help.

I have gotten back on an extreme diet after eating too much for too many months. It started more out of a sudden depression than a desire to lose all of my fat. But I'm going to latch on to it and channel the fear and sadness that caused me to stop eating into the self Control I need.

I stopped eating about a week ago. Totally stopped. Unfortunately I stopped drinking and sleeping too. I know how unhealthy this is and now my goal is to take this over and do it the healthy way. My current food plan is to fast every other day and eat about 300 calories on off days. I'm going to make myself get plenty o f sleep and drink as much water as I can. I've never really labeled myself as anorexic or bulimic even though I often follow the lifestyles, but if detesting food and feeling full, hating the way I look, and loving what it feels like to go hungry is anorexic, then that's what I am. And I'm going to embrace it. I know this is a very extreme, but the best way for me to change is to restrict as completely as possible. It's much easier for me to be extreme than it is to be moderate. And I just have so much weight to lose and I don't care about treating my body well.

Nothing matters but thin.

Yesterday I went to the mall with friends and then we went out to dinner. I don't want to do anything to foster suspicion, so I ate heartily. I was at 48 hours without any food, so I'm not going to be too hard on myself for that. And I was able to go into the restroom and purge a good bit of it, but I know I didn't get it all. I really really need to stop purging. I think it's so disgusting and it messes my throat up. I need my voice for my job.

Then I spent the night with my boyfriend. I love sleeping with him, sleep is so much easier with a warm body against mine and arms around me. But he knows there's something going on with me and I just can't talk to him about this as much as I may want to.

This is where I hope my blog can help me. I need people who can support my decision and not try to make me eat. I need friends who won't judge me. I need a big distraction for when I get hungry.

I am an extrovert, I love people, talking, sharing, loving. I will be thrilled to lend support to anyone who needs it.

Talk to me; I need you, too.