Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Unraveling

I am falling apart. Just functioning is a struggle I'm not sure I can overcome. I don't want to fail all of my classes. But it's all I can do to pull myself out of bed and often I don't. How can I study or do projects?

At least I can still starve. If only I could do more than that.
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26 comments:

  1. LaughmesillyNovember 13, 2010 at 8:13 PM

    I am not doing very well in school either but I promise everything will be ok!!! You have got to make yourself get up and start the day..

    P.S. You can still live life as starve... trust me.. I would know :]
    xoxo

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  2. DawnNovember 13, 2010 at 10:58 PM

    You are an inspiration! You can really commit to fasting like no one I know. Read more pro ana sites. You need to find things to make you laugh ( a lot ) so that endorphins are released. This will make you feel better and have more control over your life. Hang in there!

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  3. AnonymousNovember 14, 2010 at 12:20 AM

    Just stay focused and remeber what you want to achieve!! You can achieve anything you put your mind to I believe in you =) Also im new to blogger so feel free to follow as I have you for much needed support =)

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  4. KateNovember 14, 2010 at 10:53 AM

    I understand exactly how you feel right now. I am so sorry. Just keep trying, it'll click eventually. Don't give up!

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  5. RioNovember 15, 2010 at 8:09 AM

    Sunshine, when ever I am sad, or having a blah day I go for a quick tan. the vitamin d really is a mood booster and helps me smile.
    You really can commit to fasting, I envy you for that!

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  6. Thin_EnvyNovember 16, 2010 at 12:40 PM

    I hate this time of year, with school and holidays its a nightmare! keep going pull through youll be more satisfied when you get it done, just set out small goals and focus on those not the big picture, dont give up!

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  7. Happiness is possibleNovember 18, 2010 at 9:15 PM

    come back eva! i miss ur posts!!!! :(
    -happiness <3

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  8. BNovember 26, 2010 at 11:47 AM

    i wish i could be like you :( i want to fast, but my parents find out and no amount of food can save me from their wrath. I wish i could commit like you darling :)

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  9. MianaDecember 7, 2010 at 11:29 PM

    I know what you mean, I have been having so much trouble staying focused on my studies!
    I wish it would help if I just told you that you can do it...just know that we're always here for you! <3 <3 <3
    One thing I learned about myself is that I do way worse in life when I am not in control. Ana gives me that control :)
    XOXOXOXOXOXOX

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  10. sofiaDecember 8, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    i know exactly how you feel, and by the looks of it... a lot of us do. i hope it gets better for you, and we are all here for you, especially me if you need.

    <3 <3 <3

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  11. natashaJanuary 6, 2011 at 5:04 PM

    I just found your site. I love it. You are amazing, but dealing with depression. Can the counselor at your school maybe prescribe you something to help?

    Tomorrow I am starting a juice fast, you are my inspiration! I lost 50 lbs (ana/mia) and now I have gained it ALL BACK plus 8 more. I'm on day 4 of restricting and can't wait to just do juice. Water fasting is a no-no for me because I faint around the 24 hour mark, and then over and over, but I am excited about watering down juice. Thanks for the tip and I hope you start blogging again soon!

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  12. MandyFebruary 15, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    Please check out my thinspo-blog, dear <3

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  13. UnknownFebruary 19, 2011 at 3:43 AM

    I totally understand you :( good luck!

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  14. Morgan SilentMarch 21, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    Stay strong <3

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  15. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    I am sorry but this community makes me terribly sad. All these people cheering you on, telling you to walk off that cliff. There is an amazing world out there. Countries to travel. Things to learn. People to meet. But you cant do any of it if you rather die than eat. All living things must eat. Nobody can live without eating. Whatever this thing is, its not worth dying for. Its a beautiful day outside. Why not choose life?

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  16. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 6:20 PM

    Whoa, whoa, whoa... let's not bring your Pro-Life politics into this, Anon.

    Oh, op is clearly terrible at biology, you might want to study harder and by that I mean 'at all'.

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  17. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    I think you need legitimate help. Seek a therapist, PLEASE. I beg of you. I am an anonymous man on the internet - but I am deeply concerned about your health.

    See this: http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/hpcq6/i_recently_lost_my_cousin_leslie_schusterson_to/

    You want to know what happens if you keep fasting? You die. I don't want your family crying around your casket, wondering why they didn't realize you had a problem. Please, just go and talk to someone. I beg of you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    This is sad. You are a process and are not complete unless you eat. Wishing you the best of love and life.

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  19. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 11:01 PM

    Don't you fear for your life? You could die from this. You're privileged, you actually have food to eat unlike millions of people in the world. And you still put yourself through this? There's more to life than being skinny. Please wake up and seek help.

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  20. AnonymousJune 2, 2011 at 2:31 AM

    I am an ex anorexic. I am now 37. Please seek help, you need it.

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  21. AnonymousJune 17, 2011 at 9:03 AM

    I really enjoyed reading your posts up till this one. I'm support of ANY sort of weight loss methods, regardless if they have the stigma of being "unhealthy" or not, but I think that it's quite evident you've taken this too far. You've pushed many people who LOVE you out of your life and you're depending on a virtual community to keep you going. I can't deny that support from the internet can be nice, but you need REAL people in your life. right now you are NOT in control. Ana is, and she won't stop until you heart beats its last pulse. Please get better. I'm not telling you to recover fully, just at least start with the ability to function normally on a daily basis.

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  22. Sky LyricistJuly 6, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    Hey! I love your blog, especially this newest layout.
    It's great, and you write really well, in a way that keeps me interested.
    I know you're not currently active on here, but if you do come back, could you maybe check out my blog?
    Maybe give me some feedback?
    I would adore that.
    Thanks for posting and being an inspiration to my own blog.
    -Skylar Lyricist

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  23. AnonymousJuly 8, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    Does anyone know if Eva is like okay? I mean obviously just because she hasn't blogged in a while doesn't mean she's not fine, but I was just wondering if she's all right...

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  24. AnonymousNovember 30, 2011 at 1:47 AM

    As sad as this may seem, I assume she's passed on. I've been reading a lot of blogs by guys and gals with ana/mia, and quite a handful of them just stop dead (some with mention from a family member that the individual passed on).

    I can only hope others can find the balance in control to live with Ana and still continue to LIVE. :/

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  25. LorDecember 6, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    Stay strong, hun.

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  26. MasterofDesasterDecember 11, 2011 at 5:14 AM

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    ReplyDelete

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