Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Back Again, Day One Again

The reasons for my most recent and very extended absence are mostly unclear to me. I just didn't feel like writing. Maybe I thought I was so strong I didn't need to blog anymore. Maybe I thought that this is just me being melodramatic.

That first thing has become glaringly untrue in the weeks that I've been home. The second thing is probably true about everything I do.

Since I've been home for the summer I've been eating like a cow nonstop and throwing up every time. I hate purging. I feel so out of control and every time I try to grab control back, I just ruin it. I don't know how many fasts I've tried to start. So many days I've said no to food just to give in that night or the next morning. I just know that once I get into a fast I'll be fine, safe in my continued starvation. That is what I need. It just doesn't feel like I can get there anymore.

I hope that getting back in this community will inspire me and give me the strength to make it through every day without food.

Thanks for the comments on that last post. It feels so good to be welcomed back. I am so looking forward to reading your blogs again! <3


  1. Hi!
    It's nice to see you back. I know you can do the fast again. You are so strong and so encouraging and I wish you the best of luck on it. =]


  2. I'm glad you're back with us. I hope you can get back into a routine. Your fasts are always so inspiring. Have a great day!


  3. oooooh baby i hope that getting back into blogging will be enough to break the cycle for you! you always seem so strong when you're fasting and blogging... good luck! xx

  4. Yay, I'm glad you're back! You have all my support. (And don't worry about the melodramatic thing, I think that about myself too... so surely it's just part of the characteristic for an eating-disordered person!)
    Love Ophelia x

  5. OH MY GOD. I have missed you so much. Seriously. There are a few girls (less than I can count on my fingers) that I seriously feel strongly connected to and you are one of them, and I was so upset when you stopped posting out of the blue.

    This makes my day. Well it's midnight here. I'll have a good day when I wake up in the morning hopefully :)

    lol yay!