Friday, October 8, 2010

A Walkthrough

I've been fasting off and on since my last post. Feeling as insane about food as always. I just can't seem to get going into a good long fast and the time just keeps on going. Soooooo... It's 6:32, only a few more hours before I have made it through another day, and this time with zero calories energizing me.

The first few days of a fast are very very difficult, but things get easier. Sometimes the stars and something inside align, and the desire to not eat overrides anything else. However, most of the time the stars and crap are just in their usual positions, and all I can think about is eating. I can't wait around getting fat for fasting mode to slug me in the face. I have to struggle through a week of total crazy to get to the other side of this where I will be light headed and wearing baggy jeans.

I will be walking you through how I make it through this grueling time. We have all read the hundred item lists of "Tips and Tricks" on all kinds of blogs and pro-Ana websites. We all know how to lose wait. We know that keeping a journal or blog, or even making your own website can really help you to blah blah blah. We know. The step we sometimes forget is actually doing all these things. So, I'm going to tell you what I do, though I hope it won't turn into another one of those lists. I'm not trying to preach to the choir, but, you know, preaching is kinda on the list.

So anyway. One of my favorite first day techniques that almost never fails is completely ruining my sleeping schedule. I never eat before noon. Mornings are easy. My cravings start really dominating me about mid afternoon and can really tear me apart in the evenings. Usually by 10pm, I feel like I've made it through the day. Even if I'm not going to bed, my brain relaxes at this point and I won't eat anything.

Sooooooo, the night before a fast I stay up. After ten I'm safe, so I just stay up until 8am or so and then I sleep the day away. The next day, day one, ends up being a very short day. And I think the schedule confuses my hunger cycle too because I rarely get hungry when I do this. Kind of a drastic approach, but it's worth it.

Just a little over three hours and I've made it tonight. Writing this post will probably give me the motivation to make it. The 30 Rock episodes on Netflix are taking care of the rest. Hopefully Day 2 will be more exciting. Obviously, I'm really tired and sluggish today. I have an Elle magazine I'm planning to cut up. I've always wanted to try the thing where you put up thinspo all over your house. I live alone now, nothing stopping me except me. I know the tips and tricks. I just have to do them.

Lately, I've been hoarding methods for keeping myself from eating. I talk myself into eating and out of watching that Biggest Loser episode. I save it for tomorrow when I'll need it. So ridiculous! I need that stuff every day. I just feel so out of control and instead of getting it back, it's like I'm avoiding it on purpose. Just not doing that crap anymore.

I could be wearing such pretty clothes right now if I hadn't done this to myself.

Wow! Haven't changed my blog's look in a while. The new options are very cool.

Love you, ladies. If you want to fast or do whatever plan and want some support, stay up all night, or whatever, I'm around, and I need you too.


  1. SLEEP is the best tool known to man. Especially in the winter and its so nice and cozy in bed I'd rather not get up even if I'm starving.

  2. Wow, sleep deprivation -and- starvation? Your body must love you as much as you love it right now! ;D

    I wonder how many people doing this to themselves are aware that it's just dragged out self-harm waiting for their body to give in, making it suicide.