Saturday, April 18, 2009

The New Plan

So far, I've had a really fun weekend. I mostly owe it to Pasco, Savory, and Kat. I read your comments Thursday night after I got back from class. I felt completely rescued by you gals and was able to sleep soundly that night. Then yesterday it snowed all day, but it was the most beautiful snow I've ever seen. It looked just like a movie and it made me feel a lot better.

My boyfriend and my friend have the same birthday. So we planned to hang out together Friday/Saturday. The snow was lovely, but pretty intense and we had decided to just hang out in the dorm (my roommate is out of town again this weekend, yay!). As we were driving through downtown at a snail's pace since I'm not very experience with driving through the snow, we passed right by the place we had been planning to go to. So we just decided to park and go, and it was so fun. We got to sit in the warm restaurant at the windows just watching the snow fall.

I didn't eat too much and I had a salad. Actually we went out for lunch today too and only ate like maybe half. It's still so weird to be eating again. But I've been trying to eat enough because I want my body to be able to survive having to eat with my boyfriend. I want to eat a lot in front of him so he'll be at least temporarily reassured about my eating habits.

My friend and I also went shopping at a cheapo-thrift-kind-of-store-thing that I'd never heard. I tried on some shirts that were so tiny compared to all of my clothes. It was amazing how good I looked! It's like I hadn't really lost any weight until I had clothes that actually fit me. It was so excited to see the difference. I got two shirts and a pair of jeans. The shirts were only 4 dollars! The jeans were twenty, but they were super nice jeans. I'm excited to finally get to see the fruits of my fasting.

Now, I just want to fast again. I only have a month before I go home and I know I won't be able to fast at all over the summer, so I'm going for it. Plus, I think if I'm not fasting I'll have a harder time resisting the pastries in my new baking class.Monday I'll have breakfast with my boyfriend, but that will be it. I'll fast the rest of the day and the official fast will start on Tuesday. I'll have to figure out exactly when I want to quite the fast. I may have to do like only a twenty day fast or something, so I have enough time to finish fasting before I leave. I don't know. I just know I need to fast again.

I finally feel whole again. I like having a plan. Even though, I have to eat a lot tomorrow, seeing myself in new clothes today has reassured me. I know any weight I gain will fall right back off as soon as I'm back on my perfect diet of only water. So pure and empty. I can't wait to be pure and empty again.

I'm off to blog read! I'm sorry I haven't been commenting on everyone's blogs. I've still been reading, but it's hard to comment when I'm feeling down in the dumps. Your amazing comments really saved me though. I want to attempt to return that.

So many <3s to everyone!


  1. This was such an uplifting post. I'm glad to know you are in a better place, and I'm SO happy that you found some clothes that fit... it's important that you feel good in your skin and that you actually *know* you lost weight because YOU DID!

    Proud of you!

  2. wow your so inspiring. i wish i could fast as well as you. im jelous lol.

  3. You are awesome girl! So dedicated. Your blog inspires me so much! I recently started a online live chat with a ED buddy. Please log in and pass the link to every trust worthy buddy! No haters!!

    You are amazing!


  4. *sending happy vibes*

    i'm afraid that's the most I can do =)


  5. I know you'll get back to fasting again. You're so amazing. Seriously. You're my inspiration remember! haha. Love xxxx