Thursday, April 9, 2009


Yesterday I was lazy and lame and skipped class. But that means I only have to make it through today. Next week I'll be eating again and should feel great, I hope. I felt pretty sick at work today, but it didn't last too long. I can make it!

Tomorrow I'll go and get some orange juice from the grocery store. I plan on starting slowly with diluted juice tomorrow night and increasing it as I go along. Sunday night I'll have some applesauce. That seemed like it worked well when I broke my last fast. Next week is going to be more important really than all my fasting. It's easy to ruin it with a binge.

My friends and my boyfriend are really starting to worry about me and how I never eat. I want to fast again. I want to fast so badly. I keep thinking if I could just do one more fast... But I don't think I can do one right away. I need to let them see me eat for a while and stop worrying. But I'll be going home in just a little over a month and there's no way I could fast when I'm surrounded by family.

I'm going to have lose weight through restriction. You all have been so kind with your praise and it really makes me feel so great, but truthfully fasting is easy for me. I can go without food easily. I struggle more with trying to eat without binging. I'm terrified of undoing all of this starving. Last time I fasted I gained weight back. I can't do that this time. I don't know why, it just seems so much easier to starve than it is to eat.

I put the documentary Thin on my Netflix and I should get it tomorrow. I also plan on going to the library and checking out some books on anorexia. I've been looking into some that seem interesting. I've also watched a couple of Lifetime movies about anorexia on Youtube. Maybe if I surround myself with tons of thinspiration I won't ruin it.

Pascal, Thanks for stopping by and for the very encouraging comment! As far as my weight loss goes, I can't be totally certain. I don't own my own scale so I weigh on the weekends at my boyfriend's, but I wasn't able to weigh at the start of my fast so I can only guess as to what my start weight was. I had gained quite a bit because I was on spring break at home with family. I'm guessing that by the end of my fast I will have lost between 30 or 40 pounds. This seems like a ton, but some of it was weight that I had just gained and it seemed to slide off sooo quickly when I first started the water fast. I think I would have lost less if I had started out at a set point or something. I hope that makes sense. Plus I still have to get through breaking my fast, so I have plenty of room to gain that back.

Holly, thanks for your comments. I can count on you for a good ego boost. Good luck with your fasts. I believe you can do it! And I am so thrilled if I can give you any sort of inspiration.

Lulu, thanks for passing on that website. Very good information! The isolation is hard, but this is the last week and then I can go back to being my usual social self. I am looking forward to not having to lie and hid anymore.

Savory, your comments crack me up. I love that. I'm paranoid about the transition back too, but hopefully this time I can do it right. Thanks for the info about BMR, but that is way way too many calories. Ick.

This post seems so long and rambly. Good luck reading! I'm off to read y'alls now. <3


  1. Love you forever and always. I wish I could steal you away, kick my boyfriend out of the house and you could live here with me. T'would be fantastic :)

    Yeah, BMR seems ridiculous. I only get that high when I binge and my heart hasn't stopped yet (though I shouldn't joke!). Mucho support on the transition back to liquids and solids!!!

  2. Wow, 30 to 40 pounds?? You are inspiration for me :) And I'm glad you like the thinspo I post!
    If you're getting applesauce, you should buy the sugar-free kind. It's a lot less cals. It might taste gross, but if you sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon on it, it's much better. And cinnamon is amazing. :)
    Stay strong!!