Wednesday, May 5, 2010

But She Wouldn't Go Away.

I stopped writing and now I'm coming back as almost the exact same person I was when I started. Proof that I need this.

It's amazing to see all the new followers I have and to know people were reading my words, thinking of the things I accomplished, and maybe being inspired by them even when I was so far away from that beautiful I achieved. I came back to this blog on a whim and seeing new comments and new readers inspired me. I feel like I've been pulled out of the muck.

I can hardly stand the person I've become now, what all the weight and fat does to me. It goes far beyond what I look like. Ugly on the outside makes me ugly on the inside, too. I can't just keep hiding in my apartment, eating, gaining, dying. If I don't get control now, maybe I won't ever be able to.

Sorry about the melodrama, but you can't blame me for it. I have an eating disorder, you know.

All I've had today was black coffee, splenda, and crystal light. The perfect day to start a fast. I'm taking summer classes, which will give me three uninterrupted months. I will fast through most of it. I just have to see my hair start falling out again or I don't know what I will do.

I'm happy to see so many of you still here and writing. Some constants are nice, and I'm sorry I haven't been one. I can't wait to get caught up on your lives and your progress and also to read the new blogs in Ana Town.

I think my blog is due for a makeover. I'm thinking yellow. <3


  1. Welcome back!!!!
    Ooh this is so exciting, I'm planning a liquid fast straight through the would be great it we could do it together! I'm starting mine on monday!
    Yellow would be a very appropriate color with summer coming and all...

  2. I'm actually really new to your blog but I'm glad you're back. =)

    And I agree, writing has always helped me but hard-copy journals are really stressful. Someone's ALWAYS finding it. It's a lot easier for me to stay hidden from people I know online.

  3. I always loved your blog and I am so excited to read that yor're back.